Drug and Alcohol Rehabilitation Services

Celebrating life 

The 23rd DARS family jubilee was recently conducted in Charleston, W.Va. For those attending, it was a time for fellowship and to celebrate recovery.

(Note: To ensure confidentiality, some of the names in this article have been changed.)

Bob is a manager. He rose to prominence in the company and was "living the great life" until he lost almost everything due to alcoholism.

Joe, a machine operator, left school at 16, and went to work for the railroad at 20. He liked the railroad he said, "Because it was a place where you worked hard and partied harder." Unfortunately, he stepped over the line and became an alcoholic and a drug addict at an early age.

Jim, a trainman, and Mary are husband and wife, married 30 years. For a number of those years, they both drank excessively, the consequences of which were serious.

Besides the obvious, what else do all of these people have in common? They all have been sober and drug free for a number of years because of their participation in Norfolk Southern's Drug and Alcohol Rehabilitation Services (DARS) program. Through DARS, employees can find needed help if they believe they have a drinking or drug problem. The confidential program helps an employee identify a drug or alcohol problem, resolve the problem through proper treatment, and improve his ability to lead a fuller, more productive life.

"DARS is unique in that it provides hands-on help to NS employees," said Jack Scott, manager DARS, Norfolk. "It's not a one-size-fits-all program," he added. "We provide every person with support tools and resources they need as an individual for a successful recovery from alcoholism and/or addiction." He added that program counselors stay in close contact with participants and continue support for five years after treatment.

DARS counselors are unique also in that they all are recovering from alcoholism and/or addiction. I wouldn't be here today if the company didn't have this program," said George Polizzi, DARS counselor in Knoxville, Tenn. I found a way to have a second chance at life when I got treatment and got connected to support through DARS. Now, I can help others have a second chance, because I know from personal experience that DARS works."

DARS has been a part of NS for 25 years, beginning on the Norfolk and Western Railway. The late Joe "Pete" Williams, a conductor from Kenbridge, Va., and United Transportation Union general chairman, brought the idea to NW in 1974. For him, it was not only a people issue; it was a business issue.

"My husband believed that the time and effort spent on training employees shouldn't be wasted if they had an addiction problem," said Margaret Williams, his widow. "He always said that it was bad business to let highly trained people go."

Scott agrees with that philosophy. "Successful recoveries are not only a personal issue; they're a business issue, he said. "We have some great people out there who have the experience and expertise that NS needs to 'be the safest, most customer-focused and successful transportation company in the world.' To lose them eats away at our productivity."

Of the 143 people attending the DARS Family Jubilee, many were family members of recovering employees. "Many times, we receive our first contact about a problem from a spouse or other concerned family member or friend," Scott said. "DARS is about helping entire families cope with the problem and eventually lead fuller, more productive lives."

Speakers at the jubilee told their personal stories of recovery. All of them reached a low point that compelled them to take action. Bob nearly lost his family as well as his livelihood. Joe believed he had only three options left: prison, death or DARS. Jim believed he was a "hopeless alcoholic, " and Mary hid her liquor in the clothes dryer to keep her family from finding out about her drinking.

All four of them have a new outlook on life due to their participation in DARS. Bob is now working to heal the wounds he inflicted on his career and his family. Joe says that he really enjoys life now and comes to work with a different attitude. Jim and Mary have stayed sober together for 18 and 14 years, respectively. Jim says that "life is worth living now," and he can see positive change in others when they go through the DARS process. Mary says, "Her life has changed so much for the good." Both say sobriety has brought them closer together.

"NS is committed to helping those who want to overcome drug and alcohol addiction through DARS," Scott said. "All of our counselors have been there, and know what it's like to be powerless over drugs and/or alcohol. We also know that you can start toward a successful recovery if you just take that first step and call us."

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NS Thoroughbred Paces Magazine September/October 1998

DARS Jubilee Offers lessons for all: A tale of addiction, intervention and recovery

About George:

This story was shared at the 22nd Annual Drug and Alcohol Rehabilitation Services (DARS) Family Jubilee, June 19-21, 1998 in Gulf Shores, Ala. Norfolk Southern's annual DARS Family Jubilee is a gathering of NS employees, families and supporters who celebrate freedom from addiction. Share experiences, strength and hope to help others recover from alcoholism and drug addiction. Some names in this article have been changed to protect anonymity.

There was little to do growing up in rural Mississippi. "Sometimes I'd take a book up to the hill near our house and read. Other times, I'd go to the bridge that stretched over a creek running through our community. In the summer, we'd swim there in the water. In the winter, we'd just stand there and talk about swimming in it.

Guys were always hanging out on the bridge. They would stand there and drink from a jug. I was never invited to stand with them. I didn't fit in, I was different. I was always on the outside wanting to be on the inside.

I was the youngest of five children I was born in Mississippi, but the family moved often. My mother watched us kids. My father worked for Southern Railway. He was an abusive man.

I decided I was going to kill my father. I bought a machete. I sharpened it and practiced cutting with it in the back woods, I hid the machete under my mattress. One night my father became abusive and I pulled out the machete. He stopped, stood there, then walked away.

My sister was so proud of me for standing up to our father that she ran and told everyone on the bridge about what had happened. When I went to the bridge that night, they gave me a drink from the jug with "creek water" to use as a chaser. I got sick but I loved the feeling alcohol had given me. Every time after that, I only remembered the good feeling. I was someone else. I had courage.

Before that day, I was a good student. I did well in school. My mom was proud of me. But from that day forward, I never had another A on my report card.

That night on the bridge, I was 14 years old.

Fifty years later, George told his story to a group of more than 100 people at NS' 22nd DARS Family Jubilee. Today, George is celebrating seven years of sobriety from the disease that plagued his life since childhood.

If it wasn't for baseball I wouldn't have gotten through high school. I was a good pitcher and everyone wanted me to play. The teams had flatbed trucks with all the equipment and stuff on them One of the trucks had whiskey in the back. I drank for three years while playing baseball. I drank my way through high school.

I wasn't drafted into the Korean War because I was the only son. I wanted to be in the military, though, because I wanted the war stories. So I joined the Air Force. It didn't take long for them to find out I played baseball. For the next two years, I played baseball for the Air Force. And I drank and I drank. If you were a taxpayer at that time, you paid for me to drink - a lot.

The opportunities I had throughout my life were washed away by alcohol, opportunities I never even knew I had. Once our Air Force team played the Chicago White Sox and beat them. After the game, a White Sox manager told me that when I got out of the military to call them. I never did. Alcohol did that.

After the Air Force, I moved with my new wife to Tennessee, where I worked for a furniture company. I was doing well and was promoted, but my need for alcohol was growing. When they transferred me to a new position at a new plant, I had complete, full blown alcoholism. For a while everything went well until the alcohol took over, production at the plant fell and my disease consumed me. Nothing ever told me that I had a problem I was released from my job. I couldn't see that alcohol had done that.

I moved again and joined the railroad. I hit the ground running with that job. I arrived early, stayed late and was promoted. Within 17 months, I was a trainmaster. My alcoholism had been held in check. I was trusted. And then it came back. I drank heavily again. I was missing meetings, missing work. When a co-worker told me I was on shaky ground, I decided to resign and change to a different position. I believe alcohol kept me from a job in management at Southern Railway.

George's experience of trying to function as a full-time employee and addict is not uncommon. Alcoholism and drug addiction are diseases affecting millions of Americans. Of these millions, it is estimated that 75 percent are employed full-time. The consequences and costs to U.S. companies are startling.

Workplace-related alcohol and other drug-related problems cost American businesses more than $100 billion every year. These employees are five times more likely to file worker's compensation claims and use three times as many sick days. Safety is always at risk with addicted employees; substance abusers are 40 percent more likely to suffer from accidents in the workplace.

My wife and I divorced. I was left trying to work, build a house, taken care of one of my children and drink. I met my current wife of 24 years. I hid the alcoholism, but eventually she started complaining. I'd intentionally work nights so that I could drink during the day while she was at work. I was drinking seven half-pints of alcohol a day, mostly vodka.

I remember one night I went to this bootlegger bar. I was sitting there, and these two guys walked in They sat at the bar and ordered drinks, but they had the shakes so bad that when the bootlegger put the drinks down in front of them they couldn't get the glasses to their mouths to take a sip. The bootlegger had to take the two guys into the back and bold the drinks to their mouths. I told myself then if I ever got that had I'd quit. I didn't realize it then, but I already was.

Addicts are usually the last to recognize they have a substance-abuse problem. Like George, the addict fails to recognize a loss of control. In most cases, it is an outsider who recognizes a problem. On the job, these signs may be decreased productivity, apathy, tardiness, absenteeism and accidents.

Supervisors and coworkers are in an ideal position to observe the early warning signs of alcohol and drug abuse. When a pattern of addictive behavior occurs, it is a supervisor's responsibility to intervene. Supervisors are not being asked to diagnose addiction. Rather, when a supervisor confronts an employee, the focus is on job performance measurements, which include attendance, quality and quantity of work, attitude and behavior.

"No supervisor wants to dismiss an employee," said Jerry Eller, retired manager of DARS. "Sometimes supervisors worry that if they turn too many people in that it reflects poorly on them. This is not true. Supervisors should be praised for confronting an employee, because if there is a problem, the employee is a danger to themselves, their coworkers and the company. We want the employee to get sober and healthy and back on the job."

Supervisors who overlook signs of alcohol or drug abuse because they have not affected the workplace are maintaining a detrimental environment for everyone; eventually the problem will affect performance.

"Addictive disease is progressive by nature," said Jack Scott, manager DARS, Norfolk. "An enabler is a supervisor or coworker who sees deteriorating job performance or outward signs of abuse and allows it to go without confronting the problem. The end result of this type of ostrich reaction is accidents, rule violations, sickness or death."

When a problem is suspected, supervisors must detach from any personal feelings about the employee and follow the five-step process of observation, documentation, confrontation, referral and follow-up.

It was an NS supervisor that finally confronted George and possibly saved his life.

Mike found DARS for me.

Mike confronted me about my drinking following an incident where I behaved with conduct unbecoming. Mike was the terminal superintendent at the time He said, "You can leave or you can go into treatment, and we'll get you back to the railroad." I went into a treatment center for 28 days and I hit the ground running. I've been sober ever since. That was 1991. To Mike, I am indebted.

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"It was my obligation:"
The supervisor's side

George and Mike first met while working as switchmen for Southern Railway. Mike describes George as a friend. They went on several business outings together. Their wives had met. They had enjoyed some social outings.

"Even then," recalls Mike, "I knew he was a heavy drinker."
Promotions relocated both employees, and it was another 16 years before the two crossed paths again. When the railroad did reunite them, Mike was a terminal superintendent and George was an engineer.
Mike suspected George had a substance-abuse problem, and he knew that, as his supervisor, it was his responsibility to intervene.

I asked George to meet me. We drove off the property and talked in the car. I told him "George, you can't go on like you've been doing. You've got to get into the DARS program. I know you'll get back to work I know you can help a lot of people."

I don't have any training or schooling in the field of addition; all I can see is what the employee does on the railroad, I knew from what I was seeing with George's Job performance and behavior that I had to intervene. As a supervisor, I felt it was my obligation.

I've had employees with Rule G violations and others I've recommended to DARS. I tell them that if they want to get help, DARS is an excellent program. I don't feel like I’m turning on someone by confronting them about a possible substance abuse problem, I think I'm doing them a favor. It's the humane thing to do. We're not here to run people off. We're here as supervisors, to know our employees, to see them and the company succeed, safety and efficiently.

I knew that when George got into the DARS program he would bit the ground running. It makes me happy to see him succeed. Now, he is out in the community helping others. He is well respected and very active. I am proud of him.

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DARS counselors enjoy sharing success stories like George's. DARS recognizes NS people as the company's most valuable asset, and encourages all employees to be pro-active in supporting the DARS program.

"DARS is like a three-legged stool," said Paul Austin, vice president Personnel, at the DARS jubilee. "Three things keep this program successful: NS' commitment to the DARS program, employee participation, and family support.

"We all want to see our fellow employees function to their potential for health, safety and performance," said Scott. "Every employee has an important role at Norfolk Southern. if you think you are working with someone whose performance is affected by alcoholism or addiction, call a DARS counselor. DARS counselors give free advice and the call is strictly confidential.

"You can make a difference," Scott added.

Mike's intervention and George's new life prove just that.

"All I ever wanted out of life was to be happy," George said. I spent the majority of my life thinking alcohol did that. I was wrong. Thank you DARS. You saved my life."

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NS Thoroughbred Paces Magazine July/August 1997

DARS Jubilee celebrates renewed Lives

Writer's Note — Some names in this article have been changed to protect anonymity. These stories of addiction, intervention and recovery were shared at the 21st Annual DARS Family Jubilee June 13-15, 1997 in Indianapolis, Ind.

Sam had just spent the previous night drinking and getting high. Now at work, his mind was not on the job. He was exhausted from the night before and thinking about when he could get his next fix. Sam wasn't thinking about the blowtorch in his hand, and he wasn't thinking about his coworkers. Sam certainly wasn't thinking about safety.

The next thing Sam remembers is dozing off while standing at his workstation. As he began to topple forward, a co-worker standing in front of him happened to step to the side. If he hadn't, Sam's negligence would have caused his fellow employee serious burns.

Stories like Sam's are not uncommon to the men and women who struggle with drug and alcohol addiction. Their experiences illustrate the dangers of substance abuse in the workplace.

Today, Sam is in his third year of sobriety. To celebrate, he, along with 125 others, gathered in Indianapolis, Ind., for Norfolk Southern's 21st Annual Drug and Alcohol Rehabilitation Services (DARS) Family Jubilee. The jubilee is a chance for NS employees, retirees and families from across the system to come together and share their stories of courage, strength and hope.

They also have come together to celebrate their lives. For as any of them will tell you, safety and substance abuse don't mix.

"It is amazing that all of us are still here. We are lucky not to have hurt or killed ourselves or others while using," says Jerry Eller, retired manager of DARS. "I was always under the influence even when I wasn't drinking. It was always on my mind."

Being safe means never letting your guard down. DARS believes there are no better safety tools than a clean body and a clear mind, because when the effects of alcohol and drugs come into play, employees are less than 100 percent. That's when accidents and injuries occur.

"I would go to work after staying out all night. I could barely function," recalls Ovis Mangum DARS counselor, Decatur, Ill. "With dependency, you are preoccupied throughout the day with your addiction, or with problems that are the result of your lifestyle. You are an accident waiting to happen. At some point, something has to give."

"Working on the railroad can be a dangerous job," says Joe, who has been in recovery since 1988. "When you are using, you are in a fog. You don't care. I had lots of dangerous incidents and close calls. I was always in jeopardy, and therefore, so were the people around me."

"When I had accidents, they were the direct result of substance abuse," recalls DARS Counselor Mark Lechien Hartford City, Ind. 'When I woke up in the morning, I was not on full power. I was not at full capacity. When you're sober, you have a better commitment to yourself and your fellow employees."

As NS employees know, a positive attitude is also key to a safe work environment.

"When you are using, there's a lot of negativity. You're mad at management," Joe says. "Getting sober helps you have a better attitude, which contributes to a safer work environment."

"When I was abusing, I would have a bad attitude at work," recalls Sam. "I would cut off my radio. I would look for excuses not to do my job. For days, I wouldn't do anything. If my supervisor asked me to do something, I would get mad."

As Sam's story illustrates, supervisors are often stuck in an uncomfortable situation when they suspect one of their employees is abusing drugs or alcohol. It is important, however, that suspicions be explored.

"Supervisors who suspect a problem must have the courage to confront the employee and make a referral to DARS," says Paul Austin, vice president-Personnel. "When a supervisor ignores the issue, they are not helping the person and they are not helping NS to be a safe workplace."

Employees who return to work sober have a new attitude about work and safety. They note a difference in their performance and take pride in contributing to NS' safety-first environment.

"We encourage employees to bring a different attitude to the job," Lechien explained. "It rubs off on other employees. It makes the workplace a better environment. DARS contributes to a safer workplace because when you live a sober life you become a better person and a better employee."

"I used to be in a lot of accidents. I would take short-cuts just to get by. I would have blackouts," says Steve, who has been sober for eight years. "I take pride in the fact that I haven't had any accidents since sobriety. Today, I'm on the safety committee. I go out of my way for the committee and for my coworkers because I'm very grateful."

Sam is also active on his safety committee and thankful for his sobriety. "Now, every morning before I go to work, I say a little prayer: Let me do the best job I can for this company. I'm grateful to be part of a winning team. And NS and DARS are a winning team."

"I feel like I'm a double winner now," says Jack Scott, manager-DARS, Norfolk. "I have the tools for sober living, and the direction of NS' safety and quality principles, both of which guide me on and off the job. Thanks to NS and DARS, I have exceeded the expectations I once had for myself. Today, I am a better employee and a better person.

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NS Thoroughbred Paces Magazine August 1996

IT’S A FAMILY AFFAIR

Writer's Note: All names in this article have been changed to protect anonymity. These stories of addiction, intervention and recovery were shared at the 20th Annual DARS Family Jubilee June 21-23, 1996 in Gatlinburg, Tenn.

After years of marriage to her high-school sweetheart, Alice learned to schedule PTA meetings and dinners around her husband's drinking habits. She made excuses for her husband's absence to her friends, family and children's teachers. She struggled to keep peace — at her expense. In time, she believed her husband's verbal abuse and erratic behavior were somehow her fault, and she blamed herself daily.

"I thought if I just tried a little harder to be the perfect wife that things would improve," explained Alice at Norfolk Southern's 20th Annual Drug and Alcohol Rehabilitation Services (DARS) Family jubilee. "But no matter what I did, it was never good enough. Eventually, I believed that Alan's drinking was my fault. Somehow, I thought, I drove him to it."

Through the help of AI-Anon, an anonymous support group for those affected by someone else's drinking; Alice learned that she was not responsible for her husband's drinking. He was.

"From that point on, I began to rebuild my self-esteem and take care of my emotional needs for the first time in years," she said. "I realized I spent so much time worrying about Alan, that I forgot who I was and what I needed. I'm learning to do that now -one day at a time."

And so is her husband. After reaching out to a DARS counselor and attending weekly Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, Alan has been sober for nine years. Admittedly, things aren't perfect, but they're considerably better. DARS has helped steer both Alice and Alan toward the road to recovery.

"I'm glad I toughed it out, but I can honestly say I would have never made it this far if I hadn't reached out for help," Alice said. "I mistakenly thought that when Alan stopped drinking, our problems were solved. I know now that I had emotional wounds and scars that needed healing. I was just as sick as he was; the only difference is that I didn't drink."

As many spouses and children of substance abusers will tell you, one of the worst side affects of the disease is that the family suffers just as much as — if not more than — the addict or alcoholic. For family members, drug and alcohol abuse causes a progressive inability to live their lives because of a growing preoccupation with another person's drinking.

More than 200 NS employees, retirees, families and guests gathered in Gatlinburg, Tenn., for the 20th Annual DARS Family Jubilee. The jubilee's purpose is to celebrate freedom from addiction, pay respect to one another and to recognize Norfolk Southern's support. It is also a time to reflect, rejoice and remind one another to go forward one day at a time.

The jubilee is a family celebration because addiction affects the entire family, said Jack Scott manager DARS, Norfolk. They were affected by alcohol and drugs, and now celebrate sobriety and sanity.

"A common thread among those living with substance abusers is a need to create peace at any price," said Scott, who has been in recovery for 14 years. "They worry about bills, accidents and job losses as they deal with the erratic, irrational behavior of the drinker. They eventually become confused, increasingly guilty and demoralized."

As family members' lives become increasingly centered on getting the substance abuser to stop drinking or using through unsuccessful attempts to manipulate and control, most of their actions enable the addict or alcoholic to continue drinking or using drugs, Scott said. Families get caught in a cycle of repetitive non-helpful behavior that leaves them frustrated, angry, alone and hopeless.

If you asked Bonnie 17 years ago if her husband was alcoholic, she would have answered unequivocally no. In fact, she'd never heard of AA or AlAnon.

"I thought you had to be in a gutter or lose your job to be an alcoholic," says Bonnie now after 27 years of marriage. "I used to make an excuse here and there to our neighbors when Ed was unable to attend a cookout."

Through the years, however, the "here and there's" became more frequent and the excuses more enabling and unbelievable for almost everyone, except Bonnie. She wanted everyone to believe they had the perfect home.

"The turning point came when I attended a neighborhood cookout and was honest about Ed's absence," she said. "From that point on, I didn't have to hide behind the drapes and make excuses for him. That was exhausting, and I was tired of lying."

For every alcoholic, there are at least 15 people who are adversely affected, says Scott, adding that it is appalling how the alcoholic controls the family. Yet if the family is willing to learn the facts about addiction, the 'chances that they will seek help for themselves are greatly increased.

"You can't seek help hoping that the alcoholic will follow your lead," Scott said. "That's the surefire formula for rejection and disaster. Family members have to want help for themselves, an they're not used to tending to their needs."

At one time, Susan says, she possessed a great passion for life, but 15 years of abuse, bruises and bourbon eventually left her unable — and unwilling — to care. And her four children were reminded every day.

Worn out from tending to household chores, putting meals on the table and paying bills, Susan simply didn't have time to read bedtime stories, attend Little League games or carpool for field trips. She was too busy taking care of her husband — a task he chose not to do — and having a few drinks to "smooth out the rough edges."

"I'd been attending Al-Anon meetings for four years before I realized I, too, had a drinking problem," Susan says now after 11 years of sobriety and 30 years of marriage. "I thought because I kept the house and kids in order that I didn't have a problem. I was wrong."

Looking back, Susan says that emotionally she wasn't available for her children. She thought by keeping an orderly household, she was being a good mother. Now, she says, she realizes she fell short.

"There were no hugs, kisses or family conversations around the dinner table." Susan says. "Instead, there was screaming, yelling, hitting and avoidance."

Alice, Bonnie and Susan are just three stories of abuse and recovery. There are thousands more. With the help of DARS and support groups, these three learned to turn their lives around by breaking the cycle of abuse and denial.

"I used to walk on egg shells, just hoping to get through another hour, another day without an incident," Alice says. "I thought I was the only one who lived like this. With the help of Al-Anon, I realize that I'm not alone, and I have a support network to thank."

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NS Thoroughbred Paces Magazine August 1995

RETREAT FROM THE POINT OF NO RETURN:
KNOWING WHEN TO SAY WHEN

Writer's Note: Some names in this article have been changed to protect anonymity. These stories of addiction and recovery were shared at the 19th Annual DARS Family Jubilee June 23-25, 1995 in Norfolk.

Talk to dozens of recovering substance abusers, and you hear as many tales of how drugs and alcohol affected — and often destroyed — their lives. And each one is different

Some talk of weekend binges, others of daily pints. A few recall starting the day off with a drink and smoothing out the rough edges in the evening with another. Even more speak of conjuring up lies, masking addictions and rationalizing every sip, snort or drag.

But everyone talks of feeling trapped in a downward spiral where the centrifugal forces were so gripping that nothing and no one could pull them out until they were ready to reach out and ask for help.

While the plots and characters change, the subject in each of these autobiographical tales is overcoming drug and alcohol dependency. Each one slightly different, yet each written and edited by the addict.

As anyone in recovery will testify, dependency does not discriminate. No one is immune to addiction, and no vaccine will cure it. The diagnosis is easy, the remedy painful and the prognosis always uncertain. And once afflicted, everyone suffers.

"For every alcoholic, there are at least 15 people, who are adversely affected," says Jerry Eller, who retired in July as manager of Norfolk Southern's Drug and Alcohol Rehabilitation Services (DARS) after working 14 years in the program. "One of the worst side effects of the disease is that the family suffers just as much as, if not more than, the alcoholic or addict."

More than 300 NS employees, retirees, families and guests gathered in Norfolk for the 19th Annual DARS Family jubilee. The jubilee's purpose, explains Paul Austin, vice president-Personnel, is to remind employees that the company supports them as they fight addiction. It is also a time to reflect, rejoice and encourage one another to continue going forward one day at a time.

"The jubilee is a family celebration because addiction affects the entire family," Eller says. "Eve lends a hand in recovery, and we invite everyone to rejoice in sobriety."

Ask any one of the nine DARS counselors what the most difficult hurdle to overcome on the road to recovery, and they will say overcoming denial. And everyone confronts that hurdle at different times and from different angles.

"From the high-bottom drinker who gets drunk only on the weekends to the person who drinks or uses all day long, alcohol and drug addiction affects no two people in exactly the same way," says Merle Johnson manager-DARS, Norfolk. "That's the nature of the disease, and it's also the reason people deny it for so long. Denial perpetuates the illness."

Johnson knows. He was a binge drinker, often going two or three months without a drink. "But when I would drink, watch out," he says now after 13 years of sobriety. "No one knew exactly what I would do, including me. I thought since I didn't drink every day, I didn't have a problem. That kind of rationale permitted me to continue drinking for many, many years."

Johnson is not alone. "I thought everyone drank and partied like me everyday," said Tom, adding that he later realized that his friends partied like he did only once or twice a year. "I eventually reached a point of heart-wrenching despair and loneliness in my life, and I felt like everywhere I turned was an empty comer. It wasn't until I realized I needed help that things began to change."

The road to recovery can be reached from a number of exits off of the trek downward. "The moment of truth came for me when I realized that I couldn't live this way any longer," said Tracy, who has been sober for two years. "A couple of years ago, I was unable to laugh and virtually function. I wanted to die."

For Ted, he said he could sum up his drinking problem in 30 seconds, "I drank too much, always wanted to get drunk and never understood people who could have two or three beers and go home."

Eventually, Ted said his addiction reached a point where he indulged in a few drinks before work. "At first, I didn't want to surrender to alcoholism," he said. "I just wanted to get my drinking under control."

Like Ted, people often enter treatment programs to learn how to drink or use drugs controllably. Rarely, most everyone in recovery will tell you, do they admit right away they have a problem. In fact, many truly believe they don't.

"Most people would do anything in the world to quit drinking or using except quit drinking and using," Eller says. "They think the bill collector or the boss are the problems, and they just drink to deal with them. Eventually, they realize that drinking and using drugs are the problems."

"I didn't come to DARS as a volunteer," said Bill, who has been drug and alcohol free since 1991. "I was a pot smoking, beer-drinking, wild and crazy guy who just wanted people to get off my back about my lifestyle, especially my supervisor at work.

"I soon realized they were just trying to help," he continued. "While I didn't come to the program voluntarily, DARS saved my life and allowed me to start living a new one."

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